Ranking the Star Wars Movies
You’ve read the title, you know what this is. We’re going in ascending order, because that’s how I like to roll. Oh, and I won’t be counting the Clone Wars movie because it’s simply a TV pilot released in theaters. The Ewok movies won’t be counted either because they’re made for TV.
11- The Last Jedi
The first (and sadly not the last) Star Wars movie to NOT have me leaving the theater with the biggest nerd grin ever. A movie that sapped my very soul to oblivion; but also ironically the movie that turned my passion for Star Wars into a creative force; an ambition of mine is to one day write a CANON Star Wars work! So…there’s that!
That said, this movie is the least of the Star Wars movies. Every word of praise you’ve heard for this movie is wrong: it is NOT daring, it is NOT deep, and it’s most certainly NOT progressive. The women in this movie aren’t characters, they’re props for the male characters to work with or against. The ethnic minorities are reduced to NEGATIVE stereotypes, from the bumbling black man, to the hotheaded Latino, to the Asian girl who crashes what she drives and can’t park for shit. The only characters to make decisions that lead to any positive results are all white. The goddamned Original Trilogy only had two black dudes, with one of them being a nameless background character; that’s STILL less racist than this movie!
But hey, at least it’s pretty to look at…
10. The Rise of Skywalker
This movie is a mess. The plot has more holes than swiss cheese, character development is almost nonexistent for anyone NOT named Rey or Ben Solo, and none of it truly feels like the grand finale it was marketed as.
Palpatine’s back; how? “Somehow.” That’s all the explanation we got. If ya wanna learn more, ya gotta buy the novelization! So wait, if the BOOK has all the story, WHY THE HELL DO WE EVEN HAVE A MOVIE FOR!? Novelizations used to be for expanding the story, to tell the parts that had to be cut for time; apparently that now includes IMPORTANT PLOT POINTS THAT SHOULD HAVE BEEN EXPLAINED IN THE MOVIE PROPER!!!
But if this movie is so bad, why rank it higher than Last Jedi? Because unlike The Last Jedi, the movie didn’t leave me emotionally numb; it merely left me with a sense of “that happened. I didn’t like it, but it happened.” I went in with lowered expectations; all I wanted was a movie with exciting points here or there, maybe a chuckle, and a tear if I’m lucky. What I got was trash. But it wasn’t soul crushing trash like watching Luke Skywalker, my childhood hero, die like a chump after doing a buttload of nothing; it was just non-exciting, predictable trash. Nine tenths of the movie was just one McGuffin hunt after another, with an OK space battle at the end. And THIS was supposed to be the GRAND FINALE of Star Wars!?
The Last Jedi made me angry. Rise of Skywalker simply disappointed me. That’s why I ranked it slightly higher.
But making Poe Dameron a former drug runner? Really, Disney? In 2019?
9. Solo
Do I hate Solo? Nope. I actually really like this movie; in fact, from this point onward, I’m gonna be more positive about the movies on this list!
But, this movie isn’t for everyone. It’s an exciting trip, sure, but it doesn’t really stand alone too much. There’s too many shout-outs in the movie that can only be appreciated by die-hard fans of the franchise, like me. Character development is there, sure, but the character of Han Solo takes a while to become interesting; he starts off too idealistic for some people’s tastes.
There’s also the issue that, for an origin story, the character doesn’t so much “act” as he “reacts.” He either stumbles upon things, like meeting Chewbacca, or he’s given everything, like his LAST NAME! Seriously, you’re telling me the name Solo came about because a random Imperial officer put that on his registration!? GET ON OUTTA HERE WITH THAT BALONEY!
But beyond all that, this movie is fun. I loved it, and I’ll certainly watch it again someday.
8. The Force Awakens
A New Hope…Chinese Knock-Off Edition. A movie that certainly proved you can overhype yourself for a coming trilogy…
That said? Still enjoy this movie. It’s the best of the Sequels, and the ONLY one that DIDN’T leave me sad and disappointed after watching it in theaters! Matter of fact, I was GIDDY to talk about it days after watching it!
On its own, the movie is simply fun; as part of the overall Star Wars mythos, it’s a disgrace. But for all its flaws, deep down, the movie tried to AT LEAST be a crowd pleaser. And for all intents and purposes, it was! This is a good movie for casual viewers, for those who don’t care about the lore of Star Wars. For hardcore fans like me? It’s…well, divisible.
But hey, I had fun watching this movie, and I wouldn’t say no to watching it again! Just…don’t force me to watch the other two…
7. Attack of the Clones
The least of the Prequels; a movie with really bad dialogue, a really slow middle, and quite possibly the WORST love story ever in a popular movie before Twilight.
But…oh who am I kidding? This movie is STILL great! Honestly EVERYTHING in this movie that happens after Shmi Skywalker’s death is pure GOLD! EVERYTHING! The action is top notch, Hayden Christensen’s acting as Anakin mourns his mother and slowly breaks down in front of Padme, the shots of Geonosis, THE BATTLE OF GEONOSIS!? DAMN!!!
But yeah, the movie gets bogged down a lot due to the script. The reason why Hayden Christensen looks so stilted is because the dialogue he was given was beyond unrealistic. “Someday I’ll be the strongest Jedi ever!” That’s not something a young adult would say! BUT! If you’re willing to overlook the crud and try looking at what George Lucas was going for, you’ll realize that this movie is actually pretty deep.
Ultimately this is a movie about the death of peace and the beginning of a conflict so devastating, it’ll completely change the world for the worse. At the end of the movie, only THREE characters realize that, and only ONE of them is in mourning for the peace that has died.
The last shot of the movie, of the Clone Troopers marching into battle, is beyond brilliant. It’s the contrast between the loyal Troopers; thinking, feeling beings bred only for war, to be used as cannon fodder by the comfortable politicians who’ll NEVER experience the brutalities of war, and those same politicians overlooking the faceless Troopers as they march off to die in battle with no say in the matter. It’s chilling, it’s awe inspiring, and it may well be the most inspired shot of George Lucas’ career.
6. Rogue One
A gorgeous movie with exciting battles, fast paced action, amazing characters, and an avalanche of emotions…for the last hour or so. The movie otherwise starts off SLOW and doesn’t pick up until Jeddha, and then it doesn’t start getting REALLY good until AFTER Jyn’s father dies and she unofficially joins the Rebellion.
But then, after that happens, you get one of the best Star Wars sequences ever. You get an AMAZING space battle, which I dare to call the BEST in the series since the Battle of Coruscant in Revenge of the Sith. And the ground battle’s nothing to scoff at, either! And good God, that Darth Vader scene. THAT DARTH VADER SCENE AT THE END!!! My jaw hit the floor when I saw that in the theater; it was THAT amazing!
5. The Phantom Menace
The single most hyped up movie of all time, a movie whose trailer alone helped earn money for the movies it preceded. A movie where people flew in from OTHER COUNTRIES just to go see it because they couldn’t wait for the movie to air in their countries!
Perfect? NOPE! It has flaws: the middle part of the movie slows down, the dialogue is clunky, Obi-Wan is barely there for most of the movie, the Jedi Council just sits on its butt and has like three scenes total, Darth Maul gets like TWO lines…
But no, I won’t count Jar Jar and Jake Lloyd as flaws in the movie. Jar Jar may have been overdone, but deep down he was an inoffensive character that simply could have been downplayed more. As for Jake Lloyd…HE WAS A KID! No he wasn’t the best child actor ever, but he was just a kid when he made the movie! And honestly, he wasn’t that bad! Best child actor ever? Not by a long shot. A good casting choice? Debatable. But terrible? No way!
The movie has a STRONG start, with just the right amount of world building and rising tension. The movie also has an unquestionably strong finish, with highlights including the Obi-Wan, Qui-Gon, and Maul fight. Seriously, that lightsaber battle pretty much raised the bar on how that shit should be done!
The argument has been made that this movie wasn’t needed; that the Saga should have started with Clones instead. While that does make sense, you gotta try seeing what George was going for: he wanted to show the Galaxy BEFORE the Empire, when the people were still free. Everything in this movie looks shiny, new, and beautiful. Even Tattooine, which in the Original Trilogy looked ugly, looks beautiful in this movie. And that’s not even getting into the majestic scenery of Naboo or Coruscant!
Honestly, the hate that this movie gets is unreasonable. Did George Lucas make mistakes? Yes, no question. But the movie isn’t the worst thing ever; in fact, if you go into it with an open mind, you’ll AT LEAST be entertained!
4. Return of the Jedi
The least of the Original Trilogy, to be sure. The first half of the film (everything to do with Jabba’s Palace up to the sequence with the Sand Barge) is slow as molasses. Growing up, I’d often groan at having to watch that part because I just HATED it. And then came the Special Edition, which replaced Lapti Nek with the god-awful Jedi Rocks…oy!
But the rest of the movie…good God! THIS is how you do finales, people! There’s so much to love; the best lightsaber battle of the OT, the best space battle, THE FUCKING EMPEROR BEING AWESOME!!! And that end sequence, ESPECIALLY in the Special Editions showing all those different worlds celebrating the fall of the Empire…BRILLIANT!
For all its faults, Return of the Jedi remains a fantastic finale to either a brilliant trilogy, or a legendary sextology. It’s the perfect end to the Tragedy of Anakin Skywalker AND the Hero’s Journey of Luke Skywalker!
3. Revenge of the Sith
There’s a LOT to make fun of in this movie: from the ridiculousness of how Padme died (she lost the will to live? Seriously?) to much of the dialogue, the transition between high action to quiet drama, and that Grievous is actually kind of lame compared to the 2003 Clone Wars cartoon.
That said…this is it. THIS is the Star Wars movie we wanted since 1999 when the Prequels were announced. This is the epitome of what Star Wars can be action wise. What words of praise can I even give this movie that could do it justice?
Honestly, if George Lucas had a little more discipline and skill as a writer, or if he had the same team he did when doing the OT, we’d be calling this movie his Magnum Opus. And I honestly feel like, if not for the dialogue, it would be seen as AT LEAST the greatest of the Star Wars movies.
That last hour may well be the best Star Wars sequence ever. Order 66, the Duel over Mustafar, Yoda versus Sidious, the births of Luke and Leia juxtaposed with the mechanization of Darth Vader…it’s all brilliant beyond words! It’s a movie I’ve seen a dozen times, and I’ll see it many, many more!
2. A New Hope
The one that started it all. The original. The legend.
Words do not suffice for what makes this movie so amazing. You read up on this movie’s impact on pop culture, Hollywood, and the movie industry, and you’ll be at as much a loss for words as I am.
I’m sorry, but I can’t. I CAN’T! This movie, this LEGEND, I can’t put to words just how awesome it is! What can I even tell you that hasn’t been said by more intelligent, better spoken people!?
- The Empire Strikes Back
You’re not surprised.
This. This is how a sequel should be: better than the original in every conceivable way, while building on everything that came before it.
This is the movie that turned Star Wars into what it is today. I’m…I’m at a loss for words, honestly. I mean, what can I even say?
AND HOW ABOUT THAT BIG TWIST!? “No, I am your father.” This is the most famous scene in Star Wars history! It’s also, I’d dare wager, the absolute BEST scene in all of Star Wars!
What we’ve got here is the height of Star Wars; the bar with which we measure how good Star Wars can get. It’s also George Lucas’ Magnum Opus. It’s the best movie of 1980. It’s AT LEAST one of the best movies of the 80’s. I’d even dare call it one of the best OF ALL TIME!
